Author: Mandy Santos

The Devastating Effects of Shame


Some of the deepest pain in our lives comes from shame. Shame makes us feel inadequate, guilty, and worthless. It’s one of the most painful emotions we experience as human beings. Shame causes us to act and live in ways we were never created to live.

A few years ago, I recall sitting in a counselor’s office talking about the devastating effects shame has on us as children. If never dealt with, we will grow into adulthood unable to face the challenges the real world will bring. We will struggle in relationships at work and in our personal life trying to make up for the parts of ourselves we’re ashamed of.

I can spot shame easily with my kids. When my kids feel ashamed of something, they don’t look me in the eyes, they hide from the rest of the family, or they act out in ways not normal for their personality. They wonder how I know something is wrong and I’m all up in their business. I often tell them, “Your eyes tell me”.

This is what shame does. When it comes to my kids, I will be all up in their business when they’re feeling shame, because I know that until it’s dealt with, they are spiraling downward.

Are you spiraling downward?

We’ve all done things to disappoint others, even ourselves. Shame is not something unavoidable, but a part of living in a fallen world. It’s something every one of us has to face and deal with.

Let me ask you. What do you do with the shame you feel? Have you dealt with the shame in your life? Who do you go to?

Until we face the shame we feel and deal with it, it will keep us in bondage.


Seek God and ask Him to reveal the shame you’ve never confronted or dealt with. Ask Him to show you what to do next. Maybe it’s talking with a trusted friend or family member. Maybe you need to go see a professional counselor. Whatever it is, know that it’s worth it to break out of the shame that keeps you from living the best life God has for you.

Last weekend, Pastor Filipe shared a message on Shame during our weekend services at South Bay Church. If you missed it, you can listen here.


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