Some days I feel so alone. Even in the midst of the busyness of life and even though I’m around a lot of people, there are some moments I feel completely alone…does that sound weird? Maybe I’m the only one that feels this way, but it sometimes creeps up on me out of nowhere. Then I have to snap back into reality and do the dishes and laundry, and I forget how I’m feeling. I’ve had these moments from time to time in the past. It’s nothing bad…it’s just there. I’ve come to realize that in these moments though, I’m super sensitive to the Holy Spirit working in and around me. Maybe that’s why I feel this way…that in spite of feeling alone, there’s work being done there.
I was part of a Life Group this past semester that studied the life of Joseph. My oh my…how wonderful it was for my soul. I learned so much about his life, his trials, his faith and how God really had everything planned out for him so perfectly…and the only reason we ever got to see the fruit of his life was because of his unwavering faith. The man was in prison for a loooooong time folks, and even then he never uttered a bad word, never had bitterness in his heart, never shook his fist at God….instead he patiently waited. As I’ve learned through this study, his character was being formed in the midst of darkness and his solitude in prison. I want to approach my life with that kind of perspective. Don’t you? Even when I go through difficult times, difficult days, or even hours, I want to have the patience Joseph had to know deep inside the depths of my soul that He is shaping my character. That I will come out of whatever situation I’m in with more wisdom, a better perspective, more clarity and peace. I’ve been a pretty rotten daughter these past few months. I didn’t have personal conversations with God everyday. I sometimes yelled at Him for making my day so miserable. I have ignored Him on countless occasions and I have placed Him pretty much last on my list of priorities. And yet, He’s still there…patiently waiting for me.
I had gone for a run on a random day a while back. I was blasting my music and was zoning out. When suddenly I came across these three women who were taking a walk on the trail I was running on. I had never seen them before and I go on my runs often enough on this trail to see some familiar faces. But these three women looked so HAPPY. They were enjoying their time outside in the glorious California sun and just happy. Then one of them looked at me directly in the eye as I was running by and she shouted “Yay…you’re doing GREAT!” with two thumbs up. I just mouthed the words “Thank you” as I quickly ran by. I turned around to look back for her, but she was already out of my sight. At that moment, my song for the year, “I Am Not Alone,” came on my iPod, and I felt this flood of emotions and tears start to run down my face as I continued running back home. It was as if the Lord needed to remind me that He’s there…and that He thinks I’m doing great. Like He knew I needed to hear those words…and I suppose I did because why else would I look like a psycho with tears running down my face as I’m running outside in BRIGHT DAYLIGHT. It’s like those words just pierced into my heart. Sometimes we just need to hear those words, don’t we? Sometimes we just need affirmation that we’re doing great. I suppose I needed to hear that and be reminded that despite my failures and short-comings…that despite my flaws and countless mistakes, He just wants me to be near Him and He wants to remind me constantly that I’m doing great…He loves me. He’s got my back. He’s cheering for me…even when I fall and fail, He’s shouting for me to keep up and keep going.
So thank you to that lady who I’ll probably never see again. Thank you for reminding me that I’m doing great. And to whoever is reading this….maybe you’re struggling with your own insecurities. Maybe you feel like you’ve failed as a wife, mother or daughter today. Maybe you feel like you let someone special down or you just can’t seem to get out of this rut. Maybe it was a bad day at work with a coworker or boss, or school was a nightmare today…give yourself some grace. And let me be the one to tell ya today, “Yay! You’re doing GREAT…keep on going!”